So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
