I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
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Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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