Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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