I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
