Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
