That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
