You just made me feel so damn special
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
