just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
