so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
