...so i touched it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
