Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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