If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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