I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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