You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
