Christians are straight up FREAKS
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
