Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's blow job season.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
