My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
