Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You ruined the universe
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
