i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
