I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
