i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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