so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
