Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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