dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
