a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
