dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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