Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
