You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
