I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
did i walk over a car last night?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
