If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
