So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
