Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
