i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
