In the future we'll all be gay
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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