What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
