Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
