i would punch a child for taco bell
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
its liver damage thursday
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
