I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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