why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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