can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
