I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
