I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
