Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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