I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
