I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!