Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.

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  (907): I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it. http://tfl.nu/6xls
  Replies (38) Good night (8743) Bad night (1469)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

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  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (50209) Bad night (2378)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  ...yea

  (614): View more from Ohio

  She's valid.

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  (614): So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence? (1-614): ...yea (614): She's valid. http://tfl.nu/5j37
  Replies (3) Good night (3366) Bad night (565)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Her vagina should come with caution tape.

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  (248): Her vagina should come with caution tape. http://tfl.nu/ca9x
  Replies (9) Good night (801) Bad night (4494)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?

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  (252): after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went? http://tfl.nu/cg2w
  Replies (30) Good night (1544) Bad night (4887)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.

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  (318): I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away. http://tfl.nu/8l4v
  Replies (21) Good night (1461) Bad night (5558)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

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  (815): Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan http://tfl.nu/827h
  Replies (20) Good night (8002) Bad night (1643)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable

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  (603): I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable http://tfl.nu/70go
  Replies (9) Good night (1566) Bad night (554)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand

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  (412): Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand http://tfl.nu/54cj
  Replies (3) Good night (1279) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.

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  (941): Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight. http://tfl.nu/u4mj
  Replies (6) Good night (1406) Bad night (1101)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!

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  (817): She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!! http://tfl.nu/esz2
  Replies (4) Good night (1400) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"

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  (339): I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step" http://tfl.nu/eora
  Replies (2) Good night (1080) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?

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  (918): He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS? http://tfl.nu/pnaa
  Replies (6) Good night (1089) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.

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  (636): She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet. http://tfl.nu/ogh1
  Replies (5) Good night (1060) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.

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  (973): Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos. http://tfl.nu/ye3t
  Replies (1) Good night (692) Bad night (325)

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