How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16