she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.