Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
