After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he thought i was a dude.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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