Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
