So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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