I'm going to jail i love you
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
