Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
