it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
