I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
