he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
