dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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