I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
