No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize