so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize