apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
