I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
