it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
