i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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