No stitches, just platelets and will power
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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