my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Your cock deserves a montage
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
