somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
