Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
