does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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