I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
