Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
