Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
