they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I got inside last night via doggy door
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
