I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
