There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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