Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
