gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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