I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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